Kurt Vonnegut died late Wednesday night. He was 84 years old. <3. Slaughterhouse Five is my favorite novel.
I am a little bit upset. Because I am pretty sure my English presentation could be accurately described with adjectives such as horrible, incoherent, boring, incomprehensible, and the like. Basically it was a trainwreck, or something close to it. And I don't know how much I should blame myself. I knew I needed to plan a little more, but Tuesday night I was in no mood to work (I was angry and frustrated) after House so I went to bed. I had already worked on my presentation from 4 to 9, so it's not like I didn't prepare. I knew my stuff and I knew what I wanted to talk about; I just didn't know what I wanted to say. Evidently my improvisation skills are somewhere nonexistent. Then Mr. Lawler was the most distracting person that ever existed. He warned us that he would interrupt us to add in his own thoughts because that's just how he is, but he was really disruptive. I think he chimed in like 7 times. For the most part he was relevant, which seems okay, but it's a little hard to smoothly go through a lesson when it's been scattered into a million pieces rather than remotely unifed as I had somewhat planned. I know I personally made my lesson have a broken flow, but Mr. Lawler added to it. Plus, he was like, This reminds me of Pleasantville! DIGRESSION, THANK YOU, NOTE SARCASM. If you know anything about our class, when we digress, we go all the way. How am I supposed to continue from that? They're all having their own conversations with Mr. Lawler in the back of the room, diminishing my already nonexistent authority. Making me feel incompetent and insignificant does not help my presentation. Maybe if I had more than 15 minutes of teaching experience by then, I would have been able to handle it better, but I didn't. I've had time to think about it, and I probably could have done something, but on the spot it's kind of hard.
This makes me nervous. Not just for my grade -- which sure is important -- but because I want to teach. That's all I want to do. And if I can't deal with this then what am I going to do in the future? Maybe I shouldn't be so hard on myself since I have no training and I've only done a 30 minute presentation on something that isn't my specialty, but it's not like everyone is bad at it. Dan, who was right after me, was so cool and composed that I looked a fool in comparison. He said all this smart and profound stuff and he just did everything so right that I feel like I just suck terribly and I'm not going to make it as a teacher. That scares me. I don't want to feel like I've failed before I've even started. I don't have any confidence in myself and I know that's part of the problem. It hurts me sometimes to feel so insecure all the time and I don't even know where to begin when it comes to gaining self-confidence. I need to know and feel like I should believe in myself, but it just doesn't make sense to me.
Anyway, Physics acutally seems to be going well. I think I did pretty well on the magnetism test today, and with my 99 average, I think I'm pretty safe. Of course I would like to stay above a 96, since it's really making me feel pretty good to have such a high average in there, even if it is from Mrs. Hornibrook. I got a 100 on both my project and my presentation -- she fixed the grade from the 200% to a 100%, a ten point difference in my average, but what would I do with a 109 anyway?
Today was SURE Club, and so the lot of us strolled down the Core to attend the meeting. Kate asked me if I wanted to say hi to Mr. Holmes. I feel like she's asked me that a few times for some reason. Maybe she has. Anyway, I said that I already did earlier. Later she told us some great recent Holmes moments and it was funny. And... puzzling. Like how he stood at a strange angle so as to block a path to the door and watched everybody leave and said goodbye in several different languages. And on Wednesday he forgot they had a double period and ended the lesson and went out the door to talk to Mrs. Holmes and told his class they could leave when they weren't. They told him they had lab. I can just picture his expression. *dur*
So in SURE Mr. O signed us Girls Who Wander up to work the booth at Festival of Friends next Saturday. I enjoyed running it last year and so I expect that it should be fun this year. Prachi showed us nifty graphs. Mr. O was shocked when we turned down pizza. I realized that the D.C. trip with Callaway conflicts with my brother's graduation party.
I think we need to pass the budget. GRUMPY SENIOR CITIZENS, DO NOT VOTE!
Linker came up with a good idea!(!!) And in case some of them don't like bingo, we'll give them the option of shuffleboard. Since none of us are eligible to vote, I say the junior class should take up the responsiblility of running this scam. I mean, community event. I'm pretty sure the sophomores are too sophomoric and the freshman won't understand, so it's up to the rest of us. Nothing happens until we make it happen, anyway.
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